November 29, 2024 | Read Online

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"Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more."

— H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Crypto gift-giving guide

The first "Black Friday" occurred way back in 1869 — it referred not to a day of shopping, but the day of financial panic that followed Jay Gould's failed attempt to corner the gold market.

Its first association with frenzy-inducing deals came in the 1960s, when Philadelphia police used the term to describe the chaos that ensued the day after Thanksgiving when department stores put their wares on sale for the holidays.

Retailers then embraced the term in the 1980s as a way to draw crowds, creating the famous scenes of people stampeding into stores at the crack of dawn to score a deal on an Atari console, Walkman or Cabbage Patch doll.

Things are a little more civilized in this era of e-commerce, so I hope you avoided the stampedes this morning.

Either way, though, I'm sure you still have plenty of gift shopping to do, so today's note will be short (so you can get back to it) and hopefully useful (if you have any crypto enthusiasts on your list).

Without further ado, here are my gift suggestions for that special crypto someone in your life:

Ledger Stax: I've bought a couple of hardware wallets but never used them much because they were always fiddly and annoying. The new ones from Ledger, however, seem to have broken the mold with Apple-level product design that makes them both great to look at and easy to use.

An ugly Christmas bitcoin sweater. What better way to make sure everyone knows you made a killing this year? There's an Ethereum version, too, but no one will want to be seen in that (maybe next Christmas).

One real bitcoin — for $8.

A copy of "Resistance Money" — to remind them that bitcoin is about more than just price-go-up. (Pair this with the sweater for the best of both worlds.)

A copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Bitcoiners can be pretty annoying as they tend to condescendingly mansplain bitcoin to unbelievers. Dale Carnegie's classic will help them win hearts and minds without permanently alienating the people they fail to convince.

A solo bitcoin miner. If your bitcoin enthusiast has solar panels, a solo miner will give them a low-cost chance at winning a 3.125 bitcoin block reward (now worth over $300,000!!!!). If they don't have solar panels, tell them to plug it in at hotels. Or their high school.

A specialized computer pre-configured by Dappnode for running blockchain applications, such as staking ETH and validating bitcoin blocks. The former earns you only slightly more than you'd make by staking with a service like Lido, and the latter pays nothing at all — but your friend will be able to say "I run full nodes," which will make it sound like they made money in crypto because they know how blockchains work. (Like me, they probably don't.)

The new Hivemapper dashcam. With crypto prices where they are, your friend has probably stopped driving for Lyft on the weekends, but they'll still appreciate a chance to stack HONEY tokens while they show off their new Lambo.

A subscription to a crypto tax service like Crypto Tax Calculator or ZenLedger. Your special crypto someone probably has a big tax bill due in April. This gift will remind them that, yes, crypto gains are taxable and, yes, you really do have to pay them.

If they really don't want to pay taxes, though, gift them "Frommer's Easy Guide to Puerto Rico." With its tax-free capital gains, the island is the place they'll need to call home for a while.

Make them a memecoin on pump.fun. Take the most embarrassing photo you have of them and put it on a memecoin. You never know, it could catch on and make you both zillionaires.

A subscription to this newsletter! Yes, you can sign other people up for newsletters if you know their email. Also, it's free.

Happy shopping!

— Byron Gilliam

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